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I think I actually have more morals than I believe I did. -Monday, November 28, 2011 01:44 a.m. Winter 1913-14 You, beloved, who were lost before the beginning, who never came, I do not know which sounds might be precious to you. No longer do I try to recognize you, when, as a surging wave, something is about to manifest. All the huge images in me, the deeply-sensed far-away landscapes, cities and towers and bridges and un- suspected turns of the path, the powerful life of lands once filled with the presence of gods: all rise with you to find clear meaning in me, your, forever, elusive one. You, who are all the gardens I've ever looked upon, full of promise. An open window in a country house—, and you almost stepped towards me, thoughtfully. Sidestreets I happened upon,— you had just passed through them, and sometimes, in the small shops of sellers, the mirrors were still dizzy with you and gave back, frightened, my too sudden form.—Who is to say if the same bird did not resound through us both yesterday, separate, in the evening? -Thursday, October 13, 2011 11:34 p.m. about time to get going. -Tuesday, September 27, 2011 12:00 a.m. confession of a bikeaholic: i miss my VFR. -Wednesday, September 21, 2011 11:48 p.m. intro we didn’t need a story, we didn’t need a real world. we just had to keep walking and we became the stories we became the places. we were the light in the deserts in the faraway worlds. We were you before you even existed -Tuesday, September 13, 2011 08:39 a.m. plausible the reason why i don't write here anymore or rather, as much as i used to, is because i talk more now. and i don't keep late nights anymore, so often. yes. -Monday, September 5, 2011 02:57 a.m. What's happening to my life? -Sunday, August 7, 2011 12:38 a.m. I quit smoking forever. -Monday, June 6, 2011 11:17 p.m. i need nights like this so that i can make the step to take the leap off the cliff. -Tuesday, May 17, 2011 12:26 a.m. Nightminds On some days I wished you heard nightminds and saw where I was coming from. -Thursday, March 17, 2011 07:56 p.m. very sad I lost my chook. -Thursday, March 17, 2011 01:04 p.m. Ah I remember now. The Crisis. The now that is the crisis I must make full use of. The crisis that comes along once in a life time, at a particular point, and in which decisions must be made, movements considered, where the feeling of uncertainty is an old one but the uncertainty which will come is a new one. -Friday, February 11, 2011 01:53 a.m. For the record Just noticed from the string of recent posts that I seem to come back here a bit more often then usual when I am... toast. There's a lot of chatter going on for sure but trying to reign them in and hold on to one is sometimes quite a task on its own that the others slip away, vanishing too quickly, too cleanly. and I've totally forgotten what I was going to write in the first place. -Friday, February 11, 2011 01:42 a.m. Toast Hrm. I quite like the hyper-consciousness but not the electrostatic like buzz. -Friday, February 11, 2011 01:38 a.m. An Observation The conscious, dark space in the mind before closed eyes is substantially smaller than in the sub-conscious. -Thursday, February 3, 2011 09:21 p.m. slippery Trying to eat sliced smooth peacvhers from a cip of syrup with a metal spoon in the dark while sitting in front of the speakers playing burial is creazy -Thursday, February 3, 2011 01:50 a.m. Jim Megargee on Printing "In a related thought, as I tell to students, is that your technique is really your language. It is your vocabulary. And you can have extremely important things to say but not have the language skills to communicate your vision clearly. Of course the reverse is also (and it seems more prevalent) true. Many have an extraordinary vocabulary and little or nothing to say..." -Thursday, January 27, 2011 10:35 p.m. i have a dream. to fly. -Thursday, January 20, 2011 05:09 a.m. Cold Turkey Day 2 - 1240HRS: Withdrawal peaking. Blood sugar levels crashing. Eating more, irritable, tense. Expecting worse to come in the next few days. Will look for cranberry juice to ease tomorrow. Looking forward to recovery. -Friday, January 7, 2011 12:39 a.m. always homing now soul towards light want like wings beating against the hold-back of dark above the face of yet another city bright with points of seduction i hover, and know from having been there that the lights of the cities go under, their brilliance is not what the soul is after. night swallows the sunset now the lips of the horizon come together and there is in all this dark sky only one thin line of glow. when the lips close finally it will seem (be warned) it will seem like the dark has won. but is only the interim before the true shining comes. light is close sometimes, it seems to burnish my limbs some nights. and for wanting it so i'm a child then who must sleep with some small part of light from a connection above my head. surrounding us while we sleep, light encircling. light in rings marrying me to source. to me, i say, fold the dark dresses of your youth let the silver run like comets' tails through your hair. for me, i know, the light in me does not want to be hidden anymore, anywhere. -Friday, November 26, 2010 03:00 a.m. Enya's songs There's a thin line that separates hope and despair. -Saturday, October 30, 2010 10:12 p.m. vaffanculo The papers ain't writing themselves. -Friday, October 29, 2010 06:11 p.m. too much coffee and three or is it four papers due in about a weeks time. Where does one start. Time slips through my fingers. I am quite bad at studying and doing work. They say set a goal, make a plan and take action. -Sunday, October 24, 2010 12:45 a.m. The vanity of human existence "...for if life, in the desire for which our essence and existence consists, possessed in itself a positive value and real content, there would be no such thing as boredom: mere existence would fulfil and satisfy us." -Sunday, October 24, 2010 12:30 a.m. bored with academic writings, and the general lack of clarity. People seem to think verbose language and convoluted sentence structures are a sign of sophistication and skill. At the end of it all when too much is left for interpretation everything is arguable, and pointless. -Friday, September 3, 2010 12:44 a.m. hold on to your dreams. -Thursday, June 17, 2010 02:45 a.m. You're 24. Happy birthday. Whatever it means. -Sunday, May 2, 2010 02:58 p.m. I had a dream last night. A man showed me around his illegal dolphin farm. It was dark and he led the way with a single torch. I followed him into the indoor farm which was built into the basements connecting an industrial area. The water level was low just enough for us to wad in chest deep. He grabbed a dolphin swimming past and said, "watch this". With one hand he looped a steel noose hanging down the fire sprinkler pipes from the low ceiling above around the tail of the dolphin. With another, he hoisted the animal out of the water. The dolphin struggled as it hung just over the water, it's beak slighting trashing on the water surface. After a while, it started to cry and soon the other dolphins in the water gathered around it. The dolphins in the water began crying too and then they started to tug at the beak of their suspended friend hoping to free it. Each of them had a grip with their beaks on the dolphin, they cried and pulled together. It was deafening. As they pulled harder, the noose on the tail of the dolphin tightened and began to cut into its flesh. Then it slowly happened, the dolphin was being torn free by its friends pulling on one end while the noose held its body above the water. All this time blood was trickling into the water. The hanging dolphin's cries now sounded different, it seemed in pain but happy it would soon be able to return to the water. Finally its body was severed clean from the tail fin, its cries stopped as it fell into the bloody water to join its friends. -Sunday, May 2, 2010 11:52 a.m. sociology - a redpill you stay in wonderland and find out how deep the rabbithole goes. -Saturday, April 24, 2010 08:26 p.m. Awesome I noticed the carburetor was running a tad rich for some time now so this morning I popped off the cover which I haven't done in months and tweaked the gas-mix screw on the carb. Then I took a sweet buzzy ride to school. It put a smile on my face. -Thursday, April 22, 2010 03:34 p.m. I have a theory that anger is a socially conditioned response. It begins at a very young age when a child is exposed to anger situations in his social environment or the family. For example, a child who gets yelled at for not having taken the initiative to open the door for his father who has his hands full of groceries will soon learn that one should take the initiative to help those in need, without having to be asked. So in a similar situation, the child will expect help from others especially if it's a family member or someone close. Failing to which the child will be angry because what is expected of him, he expects of others too. It is not simply an acquired trait through the modeling and identification process of the behaviour of parents as a child grows up but a conditioned behaviour which he has learnt to express as a response in a situation where certain expectations are not met. Just like how if you were to shit in your neighbour's garden he won't be pleased because you are not expected to do that, just as he is not expected to do likewise. The environment a child is brought up in affects his conditioning or learning of anger as response. This psychological and emotional programming is set at a young age. To give another example, a child who often drops and breaks bowls accidentally and whose parents laugh about it when it happens will behave differently in adulthood in a similar situation compared to the child who gets beaten whenever he broke a bowl. Also, one's reaction (anger, shame or other emotional responses) that is triggered by people, events and circumstances in childhood is learned and when "uncorrected" becomes the "natural" response that arises when similar triggers appear later in adulthood. Anger is therefore a socially conditioned response. It is also accumulated in layers in experiential learning of cultural and social expectations and "norms" which are subject to shifts over time and space. Can it be unlearnt? -Monday, April 5, 2010 10:38 p.m. it's not so bad some days there's still magic. -Thursday, March 25, 2010 05:20 p.m. Quotes from the wall i live only to suck the marrow out of life, slowly. your absence has gone through me like thread through a needle. everything i do is stiched with its colour. - Merwin 1973 i want to make the world a better place but murder is illegal. i wish syima will notice me. i often dream of america. i often dream of shooting a gun. 20 years from here and i'm still a child, looking for something in a smile. -Friday, February 5, 2010 05:26 p.m. MAN I NEED TO FUCKING GET OUT OF THIS COUNTRY, NOW. -Friday, February 5, 2010 02:42 a.m. BITCHING NEW FIRST POST OF THE YEAR Happy New Year y'all, my silent phantom audience. -Wednesday, January 6, 2010 05:37 p.m. |
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